Thus is such, because in less than 24 hours, I shall invariably be entering a personal Great Depression. True, I might be crazy for going to such lengths but hey, it never hurts to prepare for the worst. Even though when it hits you, it hits you so hard that all your preparation comes to naught. OH MY GOSH. I’d be surprised with myself if insomnia doesn’t come knocking on my door tonight. Insomnia’s such a lovely friend, always there when I’m having a BIG day the following morning, always accompanying me all through the night by keeping me from drifting off to sleep, always so sickening.
I can barely draw parallels between what I’m feeling now and that time during O-levels. Maybe because O-levels I knew my stuff fairly well, but in JC, to put it simply and in a concise fashion – I suck. GOODNESS GRACIOUS. I simply don’t know what to expect for tomorrow. A barrage of insightful questions came to me just now. What if I faint while taking my results? Or I get knocked down by a vehicle driven by some high-strung parent who’s more anxious than his child over the A-level results? Or I drop into a construction site manhole which is very clearly barricaded and demarcated? Or I hail a taxi to drive me to school instead of taking that 5 minute walk and the taxi driver decides to kidnap me? Or my result slip bursts into spontaneous combustion? Or… or… or an alternative to all that would be to face the music in a brave, strong, calm and collected manner. Like a pro. YAH RIIIIIGHT.
Now I’m thinking, what are the best ways to EMO? Because I love bread so dearly, maybe I should just stuff myself with bread for the next month or so. Or perhaps I’ll try to cry so much until my tear ducts actually run dry. Maybe I could keep on running and set some new world record. Or I could quietly go some place to watch the sun setting on the horizons and be mesmerized by the glittery stars which will decorate the dark and peaceful night sky, and yes, find pace with myself before I go back to face the real world and master the art of putting on a façade while ‘updating’ all who asked me to inform them of my glorious results. GEEZ.
Early today afternoon, I tried to take my mind off things by drawing! I hadn’t drawn in such a long time, it was so much fun. Youtube’s really super awesome because there’re these really free and kind people who bother to upload their vids on ‘How to Draw’ whatever you wanna learn to draw. So I followed this 7 minute plus long vid on drawing the eyes of four anime girls. It actually turned out quite visually pleasing to the eye, but I had to spend a good one and a half hour on all four of them. Oooo, my pride and joy!
I also popped by Bedok library to return my books on schizophrenia. And I borrowed a couple more books, one of which is so aptly titled ‘Why People Die by Suicide’. Tomorrow’s event didn’t so much as cross my mind when I selected that title but perhaps my subconscious is so full of it that it made sense to choose it. TOMORROW keeps looming in my mind, it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger, nearer and nearer and nearer like it it’s not sufficiently imminent.
My Christian and Soka friends say they’ll pray for me, it’s really sweet! But then again, reality is such and my results are probably gonna suck, whether the weather is good or whether the weather is bad. It keeps raining a lot, is that an ominous sign? OOOOOOoo.
I can barely draw parallels between what I’m feeling now and that time during O-levels. Maybe because O-levels I knew my stuff fairly well, but in JC, to put it simply and in a concise fashion – I suck. GOODNESS GRACIOUS. I simply don’t know what to expect for tomorrow. A barrage of insightful questions came to me just now. What if I faint while taking my results? Or I get knocked down by a vehicle driven by some high-strung parent who’s more anxious than his child over the A-level results? Or I drop into a construction site manhole which is very clearly barricaded and demarcated? Or I hail a taxi to drive me to school instead of taking that 5 minute walk and the taxi driver decides to kidnap me? Or my result slip bursts into spontaneous combustion? Or… or… or an alternative to all that would be to face the music in a brave, strong, calm and collected manner. Like a pro. YAH RIIIIIGHT.
Now I’m thinking, what are the best ways to EMO? Because I love bread so dearly, maybe I should just stuff myself with bread for the next month or so. Or perhaps I’ll try to cry so much until my tear ducts actually run dry. Maybe I could keep on running and set some new world record. Or I could quietly go some place to watch the sun setting on the horizons and be mesmerized by the glittery stars which will decorate the dark and peaceful night sky, and yes, find pace with myself before I go back to face the real world and master the art of putting on a façade while ‘updating’ all who asked me to inform them of my glorious results. GEEZ.
Early today afternoon, I tried to take my mind off things by drawing! I hadn’t drawn in such a long time, it was so much fun. Youtube’s really super awesome because there’re these really free and kind people who bother to upload their vids on ‘How to Draw’ whatever you wanna learn to draw. So I followed this 7 minute plus long vid on drawing the eyes of four anime girls. It actually turned out quite visually pleasing to the eye, but I had to spend a good one and a half hour on all four of them. Oooo, my pride and joy!
I also popped by Bedok library to return my books on schizophrenia. And I borrowed a couple more books, one of which is so aptly titled ‘Why People Die by Suicide’. Tomorrow’s event didn’t so much as cross my mind when I selected that title but perhaps my subconscious is so full of it that it made sense to choose it. TOMORROW keeps looming in my mind, it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger, nearer and nearer and nearer like it it’s not sufficiently imminent.
My Christian and Soka friends say they’ll pray for me, it’s really sweet! But then again, reality is such and my results are probably gonna suck, whether the weather is good or whether the weather is bad. It keeps raining a lot, is that an ominous sign? OOOOOOoo.
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