I learn to be...

I screwed up the day I was born 19 years down the road really badly. The timing of every single thing that happened that day couldn’t have been worst. I feel like ranting very much but it’ll make innocent people look bad, and whatever I say or feel, its merely my own perception. But for those of you whom I shared with, you’ll know it’s about my Dad. Sometimes I feel I’m almost nothing short of being a very good daughter so I wonder how come he just can’t bestow me that little more slag of freedom. Then again, perhaps I’m just being silly. Whatever it is, Sean, thanks for being there when I felt like I had no one to call. My worries seem to fail in comparison with that of others’, so I couldn’t really think of anyone else who would be able to entertain me during that time. I honestly felt so miserable. So because I was feeling so down, I went out for a walk on my own after dinner and when I came home, the atmosphere in the house was pretty weird. Ultimately, we didn’t take a single family picture nor did we cut the cake that was lying in the fridge. Oh well, what’s the big deal. It just another ordinary day. Birthdays were never a big thing in the family anyway.

I was actually filling up my scholarship applications earlier in the day because my Dad wanted me to. So technically, I didn’t go out at all. Except to meet Leonard who specially came by to pass me my present, thank you! In the evening, I thought I’d drop by Dom’s house to at least see my friends for a while but of course, NO WAY was the answer I got to my face. Nevermind, really. And for some reasons, I haven’t been able to meet my dearest girlfriends either. Not the day before, nor the day itself, nor the day that followed or the day after, I don’t know when. But it’s alright, I understand. Sooner or later, yes I know.

I feel like getting this off my chest now, so tomorrow when I wake up and it’s a brand new day, I can think of all those happy moments that happened the day before and after my birthday and be really thankful they happened. And of course, move on about everything that got me down. I don’t want to dwell on it. Because I’m starting to learn... This birthday has been unforgettable, because it taught me much. And in some way, I think I’m a tad stronger than I used to be. Here’s to my emotional gearing up for future setbacks – cheers!